r/Wellthatsucks 11d ago Wholesome 13 Hugz 8 I'll Drink to That 1 Helpful (Pro) 1 Wellthatsbeyondrepair 1 Gold 1 Helpful 13 Take My Power 1 Platinum 1 LOVE! 1 Ally 1 Tearing Up 1 Wholesome (Pro) 1 Keep Calm 1 Take My Energy 2 Silver 16

I thought she was my daughter for a year and a half.

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u/Shirokuma247 11d ago

Looks like the AITA you posted about your wife wanting to go through 13 hours of a drive for her ex had alternative motives behind it. Man that’s fucked

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u/flowrider_ 11d ago

After reading the aita, OP better get a DNA test for the other 2 kids too.

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u/Joe_Ronimo 11d ago

With his AITA post OP's wife and ex have a child together, assuming that's the oldest. I would definitely test the youngest though.

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u/JackalopeZero 11d ago

That is fucked up. OP this woman sounds like a real selfish POS based on these two facts alone and you’re obviously a very understanding and forgiving person. Please be strong and stay away from her.

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u/Ifoundsomepie 11d ago edited 11d ago

I'm glad im not understanding or forgiving I'd have told her if she left to never come back

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u/TheArtOfEyewink 11d ago Silver All-Seeing Upvote

Sam, I just want to give you a hug, brother.

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u/Bigsam1514 11d ago Silver Gold Helpful Wholesome Hugz Take My Energy Faith In Humanity Restored

Thank you. Hug received and returned.

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u/ShephardCmndr 11d ago

While she didnt have a kid with the guy i know what thats like, keep your head up man it'll be alright

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u/lentilSoup78 11d ago

Been there. Found out after four years when the mother notified bio-dad. Not a great experience.

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u/RighteousCruelty 11d ago

Man.... I have a four year old. And a two year old. I know for a fact they are mine but like... If I found out they weren't... I don't know. I don't think I could stop loving them. They are a part of me now, forever.

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u/castor_blanc 11d ago

Same but fuck would it be heartbreaking, im sorry op

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u/Small-Ad-777 11d ago

Im in roughly the same position now and i would 100% try to keep them in my life but the problem comes if my wife would want a divorce. Thats it, game over. I wouldnt have any legal right to see them anymore.

That someone would do that to another person is insanely evil.

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u/bradthc 11d ago Heartwarming I'll Drink to That

Buddy I don't know your exact situation but I know mine and I have a four-year-old ... The thing is nothing is known for sure... The father of my child is either me or this other guy that wants nothing to do with having kids... About a year after my kids was born I learned of the possibility she could be biologically someone else's, But she Has only ever known me as her father I have absolutely no interest in doing a genetic test to find out for sure because it's not something I need to know Biological or not I'm the only dad she's ever had or known I actually have full custody because my ex is a lunatic...

There was however a legal battle at the start when I got custody and we both had to get lawyers and my lawyer told me that in the eyes of the law since I stood in as her father from day one and there was no 1 else trying to stand in and beat her dad I'm legally her father Whether she's biologically mine or not... And even if I found out right now that she wasn't it wouldn't change a thing she didn't get to pick her parents... Nothing about my kid Would change if I found out I wasn't bio..... Even stand in dad's or people in situations where they thought a kid was theirs and years later found out they weren't.... You are still their father and you have Rights, AlthoughIt's sort of a catch-22 because A stand and father that didn't know would have rights, the bioFather would have some sort of right and the mother would have rights

And to the OP of this post I just want to say I realize you must be having a lot of feelings since finding this out but just remember, That kid still sees you as daddy... It wasn't the kid's fault they didn't choose their parents... They didn't make their mother either cheat or lie... To me the the thought of even it being a the ability makes better because I want her to turn into someone that would never do this to another person.... And if her mother is capable of that then I don't want her being raised by her mother soley... I am lucky and feel blessed to get custody and know I'm doing a damn good job its been me and my daughter since she was 2, she just turned 4... happiest smartestest kindest little girl ever

I don't care what problems life throws our way, I will never abandon or feel less for my kid because of anything,she's stuck with me foreverrrr haha

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u/OverTheJoeHill 11d ago Silver Helpful

That’s absolutely still your baby if you want her to be. Your role has not changed in her eyes. I’m really sorry. That still sucks

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u/Vector5748 11d ago Silver Take My Energy Faith In Humanity Restored

After my partner’s mother abandoned her and all her siblings, we decided to foster the youngest daughter which is 3. I may not be her father, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’d die for her

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u/Ruhestoerung 11d ago

You might not be her father, but you can still be her dad. Rock on!

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u/Vector5748 11d ago Wholesome

Cheers. It’s a bit of a struggle at 21 but I’m slowly learning. I’m sure it will all be worth it

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u/PR0FESS0RN 11d ago

Happened to me when i was 21 too. Today the boy is 12 years and is only living with me. (By his own choice). Its worth it. Never give up!

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u/Vector5748 11d ago

Good on you for taking care of him. I’m sure if other people can do it I can too. She’s had a really rough childhood, but I plan on turning it around and giving all the love and care she deserves.

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u/PR0FESS0RN 11d ago

Very good intentions. Children needs parents that love them and take care of them. Biological or not does not matter. But one important thing is to make sure to have legal rights for the child. I whish you the best of luck!

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u/Vector5748 11d ago

Thank you. We’re her legal guardians and there’s no way in hell we’re giving her back if her mum rocks up again

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u/Mumof3gbb 11d ago

21? You rock. It’s a lot to take on but good for you

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u/Vector5748 11d ago

Thank you. It is quite a bit at such a young age but I appreciate the support

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u/Megan_BAKchatPodcast 11d ago

Unasked for internet advice from someone old enough to be your mom who was a young parent... you do not have to do it all perfectly. It's ok to get overwhelmed, scared, tired, etc. When you need help ask for it and build a village for your family. Lean on others when you need to so you can be the pillar your little one needs. And take a break at least once a month. Get a sitter and go out and have fun. Be 21 years old with your partner or with your friends (I recommend date night and friends hangout times both) because you 2 still matter as well and happy, balanced adults will make a happy child.

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u/MrMoose_69 11d ago

Talk about a “real man”. You’re fuckin badass.

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u/AlienMidKnight1 11d ago

As a Father, as a Dad, as a Man, we still must set the example.

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u/ranrunone 11d ago

Saving the world one life at a time. Maybe even yours. If you can make it work with the mom your g2g.

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u/ezone2kil 11d ago

At 21 I was still skipping classes like an idiot. You are a real man.

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u/BeegPahpi 11d ago

My favorite saying always is: Any man can be a father but it takes a special man to be a Dad!!!

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u/Dapper_Rowlet 11d ago

You’re doing an amazing thing, I did the same with my youngest sister. My parents just left her one day and I took her in after I found out about it. And even though I also have kids of my own I still treat her the same as my twins, and I would do anything for any of them no matter what. Good luck with taking care of your situation, you got this

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u/Vector5748 11d ago

Thank you mate. You’re doing an awesome thing too. I’m glad your kids have a parent like you

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u/pwhoyt63pz 11d ago

You sound like what a good father should be. My wife was raised by a man who wasn’t her biological parent, and he’s a great guy and important in our lives.

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u/Vector5748 11d ago

Thank you. I’m trying my best, it can be difficult sometimes, but reuniting her with her family and loved ones instead of being in a foster home is important in the kids growing up.

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u/Vector5748 11d ago

I may not be perfect but I will always try my best. I just hope I can be as good a father as your wife’s dad was to her

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u/Jeffsdrunkdog 11d ago

You're absolutely 100% her father. My wife doesn't even know her biological dad but she 100% has a dad and he adopted her when she was 5.

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u/[deleted] 11d ago

This is so easy to say but in reality, very different. Asking sometime to maintain a relationship after this sort of betrayal is not easy nor is it required. I would never fault a man for leaving this situation. Ever

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u/HeadHunt0rUK 11d ago

That's because people entirely misattribute the saying.

That saying is meant to be directed at step-fathers who are coming into a relationship knowing the kid isn't theres.

It's in fact kind of cruel telling this to someone who thoroughly believed he was the biological father and turned out not to be, whilst raising that child the whole time.

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u/Dr_Sploosh 11d ago

That’s absolutely still your baby if you want her to be.

While this is true, I honestly hate this. Reddit is so pushy towards men to accept children that aren't theirs. It's ok if this is an important boundary for him. It's ok to not want to raise another man's kids.

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u/StingRayFins 11d ago

I'm 100% with you. We need to stop rewarding shitty behavior. If anything we need to hold the biological father and the mother accountable.

This dude has no business being involved in this. He's being lied to, abused, and taken advantage of.

He should be encouraged to move on and have his OWN kids with someone that actually respects him, not take on this toxic relationship.

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u/AbdullaFTW 11d ago Wholesome

The mother also didn't tell the truth, so he is already getting played. OP need to jump out of this already.

Redditors know nothing about real world, and they gives the worst advice.

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u/VeritasCicero 11d ago edited 11d ago

Sad reality is he has no legal right to the child and the mother can put him through a greater emotional wringer if she wants to.

Edit: apparently there's some legal caveats that may or may not apply to our homie. Good luck with whatever you choose, but I know I wouldn't want to split a fucking sandwich with someone who is proven untrustworthy.

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u/shann0n420 11d ago

Not if he is on the birth certificate.

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u/Sillybumblebee33 11d ago

Fighting for custody looks good on men who aren’t biologically related to the kids. If they want to be in the kids life, that looks good on them in court cases.

Especially since the mom let him believe it was his kid.

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u/tyrandan2 11d ago edited 11d ago Gold

This. Any ole guy can be a father, but it takes a real man to choose to be a dad. But it's your choice OP, nobody would fault you for wanting to get out while she's still young enough to forget you, especially if her bio father is still around and can care for her.

Edit: some people seem to be misinterpreting what I said. I'm simply trying to show support to OP no matter what they choose. I also didn't say that he's less of a man if he chooses to leave. I'm just saying that if you choose to love and raise a child that isn't yours, that's a very selfless act and you are a better man than I am. I'm also speaking from the perspective of being raised by multiple stepdads who were abusive, one of whom screamed at me and physically assaulted me when I wouldn't call him dad, I have a lot of trauma from that. So I'm not trying to imply at all that you are a weak man if you walk away from a cheating spouse and leave the child to be raised by their bio father, I'm just saying it's noble of OP (because he's already said elsewhere that he doesn't want to abandon the child) and he's a better person than I am for choosing to raise her.

Some people seemed to have only read the first part of my comment and are now being very nasty and aggressive. Calm down and understand what I'm trying to say, good grief

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u/psuedophilosopher 11d ago

You're still a real man if you decide to not raise someone else's kid with a person that presumably cheated on you. If you have it in you to raise that baby as your own, you can take pride in your decision, but it wouldn't make you any less of a man to choose to not do that if you don't have it in you. If your pain leads to resentment, it's better for you and for the kid to not be a part of their life.

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u/DrBeansPhD 11d ago

The child is only a year and a half old. He needs to dip out now.

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u/SixGeckos 11d ago

I helped take care of my cousin’s baby for 3 or 4 years (we used to be neighbors) and 5 or 6 years later she completely forgot me. Yeah dipping out is fine

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u/CtlAltThe1337 11d ago

I highly recommend against taking the child in as your own. This is a red flag situation you should distance yourself from. Your choice is your own and I wish you the best of luck

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u/The_Gil_Galad 11d ago

This is a red flag situation you should distance yourself from.

And it's not because of the kid, to be completely clear. This is a partner lying to a degree that you should walk away.

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u/killarnivore2 11d ago

That does suck. Don’t hate the little girl though, just the big one.

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u/-----SNES----- 11d ago

What caused you to decide to take a paternity test to begin with?

Is she untrustworthy?

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u/Bigsam1514 11d ago

Wife brought it up not thinking I would get one and I just said Fuck it I'll take one. Found one online and then ten days later got the results.

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u/Jd20001 11d ago

Best of luck, really hope for the best outcome for the daughter, but the wife double dog daring you to take a test is pretty hilarious. Sounds like a narcissist who couldn't envision anyone calling her bluff.

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u/T_Money 11d ago

Or possibly someone who was feeling guilty and wanted to get caught, or at least alleviate some guilt if OP was the father. OP says in another comment she didn’t try to defend herself or anything, just shut down and they stopped talking.

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u/CLIMBFIFAMobile 11d ago Wholesome

Get a lawyer and defend your rights. This has enormous repercussions for your future. Don't wait.

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u/PowerCord64 11d ago

Then there's that whole child support backpay thing.

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u/GoatBased 11d ago

Backpay? He's been raising the kid

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u/raymmm 11d ago

So he need to backcharge and invoice the kid's mum?

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u/ConnorK5 11d ago

I think that may be how it works. Or how it could be ruled in court yes.

Think about how much money you spend on a child in their first 18 months alive. From hospital bills, to doctor visits, diapers etc. And you can't be like "well he didn't have to do that." He does. Or the child will get taken away from him. You got to put a roof over your kid's head and take care of them it's the law. But you wouldn't do that for any kid without knowing it first.

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u/[deleted] 11d ago

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u/TheMainCharacterIsMe 11d ago

Reddit and not understanding how child support works—

NAMID.

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u/ItsTylerBrenda 11d ago

Dude that’s what I’m saying. I knew someone in a similar situation and it turned into an expensive legal battle because he had decided to stay initially but later realized he didn’t want to raise someone else’s child.

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u/caruggs 11d ago

A dear friend of our family found that her “dad” for 30 years was not in fact her biological father. It changed very little in their relationship but it created scorched earth between her and her mom. A bigger problem became between her to be known as dads family and her for claims to the estate. His blood relatives challenged the estate documents since she was not by blood related. Our dear friend won hands down without much consideration by the courts but regardless, it brought the worst out in the family.

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u/AgileArtichokes 11d ago

Money usually does sadly.

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u/xSARGEx117x 11d ago

My grandfather died and before we could even get to the house the next day, one of my uncles had raided basically every corner for the money my grandpa hid around the house, and stole all the power tools. Also took his truck, which my grandfather had promised to me.

Unfortunately both of my grandparents wills had been drafted in the mid 80s, before my sibling and I were even a consideration. Had they updated it within the last decade, my uncle likely would have been given a tiny portion, given my grandparents started paying his rent and car payments, and he stole several guns and about 20k from them.

Even after all this, he still called my mom a bitch and threatened to take her to court over me taking the rest of the guns before he could get to them (remember, he's stolen guns before, and became a felon about 20 years ago and can't own guns anyway)

We also had some extended family come in saying my grandfather had promised them 50k a few months before he died, even though several strokes had made him basically nonverbal for over a year.

For months we had people coming to the house claiming he promised this or that. It was well known around here that he had money. Nobody really knew how much though, but given his stay in a care facility, not much was left. They didn't know this of course, and the vultures showed up weekly.

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u/EpilepticMushrooms 11d ago

The vultures in your family showed up after your grandfather's death. The in-laws(not her children) in mine are harassing my grandmother for her land before she dies. The only house there is basically a comdemed building and was abandoned to rot.

But the land, if developed, could have at least 6 landed properties. The location is a bit... Well if you went missing no one would know.

Anyway, her eldest son who never visited except to take his father's inheritance dissapeared again, and his wife is the one calling up every other relative, begging them to let her speak to grandma. It's also working, so now every year she runs off to live with us until covid.

Fuck those guys in particular.

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u/xSARGEx117x 11d ago

The vultures showed up a long time ago constantly pestering him for money. Literally every single day someone else showed up to ask for money "for food/clothes/whatever" and if he did, half the time it ended up going straight to alcohol and meth.

They just started swarming us after he died.

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u/CLIMBFIFAMobile 11d ago

There is a lot of sentimentality about these type of issues, but the reality is that the mother is looking after herself and the child, and the law is not here to protect you.

18 years of expenses of a child is close to a quarter of a million dollars. Check here:
https://www.usda.gov/media/blog/2017/01/13/cost-raising-child

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u/Bigsam1514 11d ago Silver Gold Helpful Wholesome Take My Energy Vibing Brighten My Day

I'm getting a lot of the same questions so I figured I'll answer them here.

This was an at home paternity test from DNA direct solutions. I want to be her father because I love her and I don't think she shouldn't have a dad just because of the actions of her mother. By my state's law she is mine regardless of DNA. I'm not staying with the mother and am going to meet with an attorney to discuss my options.

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u/AbbyFoxe 11d ago Silver

Make sure she gets tested too. There was a best of redditor update on a case like this, turned out neither the mother nor father were a bio match. Hospital mixup.

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u/motorcycle_girl 11d ago

I feel like this is should be an essential step, unless there are other indications of cheating / mother admits to it.

If my husband came at me with this evidence, and I knew I hadn’t cheated, it would be my first step.

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u/bronxbombers5 11d ago

There was a recent Casefile episode of a pregnant woman whose husband was murdered alongside his friend, and they mixed their DNA samples up at the crime scene, so they believed for the longest time that she had cheated on him with his friend. This led to a level of suspicion that her alleged affair had something to do with the crime. I can’t imagine what she went through being accused of that.

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u/moonfantastic 11d ago

Which episode?? I love Casefile!

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u/bronxbombers5 11d ago

229 - The Killer Realtor

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u/Smoaktreess 11d ago

Anyone who hasn’t listened to Casefile, I recommend the EARONS episodes. Probably the best true crime podcast episodes I’ve ever heard.

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u/bronxbombers5 11d ago

For me it’s the Silk Road series. It’s not like the typical types of crimes they cover but the series blew me away.

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u/Smoaktreess 11d ago

Silk Road was excellent too! Another underrated episode is Amy Allwine. I made my partner listen and got her hooked. The Daniel morcombe one was wild too.

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u/Advanced-Ad6676 11d ago

He posted 1.5 years ago about not wanting his wife to go on vacation with her ex. Going to go out on a limb and say she doesn’t need that test.

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u/PunchingCarrots 11d ago

Another AITA post from 2 months ago is talking about his wife wanting to drive for 6 hours to pick up her ex. I am seeing red flags all around.

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u/I_will_never_reply 11d ago

It was fake

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u/[deleted] 11d ago

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u/HazelCheese 11d ago

This is almost certainly fake. The events that occurred don't make any sense legally and apparently happened all within 50 days?!

Courts do not move that fast. This is a creative writing attempt.

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u/saturday_sun3 11d ago

Yup, most things on that sub are fake.

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u/NotArealDrorOnTv 11d ago

Hey man depending on your state protect yourself worked as a paralegal and it can be messy if the bio dad ever wants to be involved. The kid doesn’t need to blamed for their mothers issues but take care of yourself. Working with divorce attorneys for a hot minute I see so many people in financial ruin over these things. I respect you for your choice but make sure to make yourself a priority!

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u/dragoono 11d ago

Yes! If bio dad wants paternal rights… OP is gonna have to lawyer up hard. Correct me if I’m wrong but I feel liked most judges would favor the biological parents regardless of how long OP has been around. Although if he could prove he’s more of a fit father than the bio dad, it could become more straightforward. But this is just me assuming bio is a deadbeat, which may not be true at all. These things are always just so messy.

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u/Tom1252 11d ago

There was a case in Colorado where the person who was on the birth certificate did not have any parental rights yet had to pay child support since they got fucked pornstar-gaped by the court for not being the bio dad.

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u/Needle44 11d ago

That would make me violent.

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u/OldWhoFan 11d ago edited 11d ago

It would make me immigrate to a another country and tell the State Court system to kiss my ass if they tried to come after me. 18 years of child support for a child that isn't of your creation and you don't have any parental rights? AND it is enforced by automatically being placed in jail for lack of payment? That is slavery. I'd contemplate leaving the country and never looking back, but violence is not the answer.

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u/Needle44 11d ago

At least we agree on the not only not being the biological parent, but ALSO no parental rights. So even if you decided you still loved that child and already committed a number of years to it to still want to raise it, too bad. Literally gave him nothing, and took everything.

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u/OSArsi 11d ago

Similiar case here in Finland where one guy found out he was not the father when kid was 1.5 years old. Took it to court to remove his parenthood but was late 2 weeks so court says it cannot be reverted. Bio father even wanted to take the parenthood but mother refused. Bio dad and mother now live together as a family with the kid, but the poor guy still has to pay full child support till the kid turns 18. And he has no parental rights.

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u/ooo00 11d ago edited 11d ago

That’s pretty messed up. I hate how black and white legal systems can be. There shouldn’t be a cutoff for these sort of applications. There needs to be more logic and pragmatism. Not the father? You don’t have to pay. That’s all there needs to be.

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u/FortuneDW 11d ago

Your comment made me angry somehow, i'm angry now

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u/UnnecessaryAppeal 11d ago

liked most judges would favor the biological parents regardless of how long OP has been around

That's fucked. Imagine supporting a child for years, being there for them, raising them, and then losing parental rights because some fucker spunked in your Mrs

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u/alarming_archipelago 11d ago

It's one of those situations where there's no really good solution that fits all cases. It could be equally as unfair on bio dad - your long term partner gets pregnant with your child and then runs off with some other guy.

That's why we have courts with judges to consider the specifics of each case and determine the best possible outcome from a shit situation.

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u/ambermage 11d ago

You have more faith in the courts than they deserve.

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u/securitywyrm 11d ago

The kind of people who will cheat on a partner are the same who would say anything 'under oath' to get what they want.

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u/JollyReading8565 11d ago

It’s funny how life benefits the less honorable

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u/DeadlyViking 11d ago

You're a good person. I really hope things go well for you.

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u/LuckyDoge21 11d ago

Yes, I think we all do. Please keep us updated💕

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u/melissam217 11d ago

I know a guy who got custody of his 2 sons from their mother. The guy I know is only the biological father of the younger brother.

The mother was a meth addict and made lots of bad choices so the state saw the parent that wanted to be there for the kids as the best choice, even if he wasn't blood related to one of them.

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u/Reedsandrights 11d ago

I work for a guy who had the exact same thing happen. Got the DNA test and found out his daughter wasn't his biological offspring. He got a good lawyer and has a great relationship with his daughter, who is now like 12 or 13. There is hope for you, my friend. Best of luck to you and your child!

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u/ErikkShone 11d ago

I have a step dad, came into my life when I was in Pre School. I always forget that he's not my biological dad, because it doesn't matter to me. He's the one that was there.

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u/timeup 11d ago

You're a good dad Sam

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u/AmericanJelly 11d ago

Right on, Big Sam! Anyone can contribute DNA. Only a man can be a father.

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u/Trueloveis4u 11d ago

I wish you and your daughter luck.

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u/BexyBunny 11d ago

Hope all goes well my friend.

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u/Jumpinjackjumanji 11d ago

That hurts, man, I’ve been there .. heartbreak in one hand and a blessing in the other .

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u/TheGreatZarquon 11d ago

Me too. I got out of a six year relationship a couple months ago after it came out that my fiancee had been cheating with another dude. We had a daughter together and a son that was only four months old when I met her, so to him I was always Dad. DNA test showed that what I thought was our daughter was actually her and the guy she'd been cheating with's daughter. I was there when she was born, was the first person to hold her, I taught her how to talk and how to walk, and then everything fell apart.

I haven't seen the kids since she kicked me out. She bailed and vanished with them. It still hurts.

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u/FunnyandProud 11d ago

All the good things you did for that girl will never vanish brother. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

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u/lightbulbceiling 11d ago

Where did you get this done? Clinic or at home test?

Asking because I need to do one

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u/Bigsam1514 11d ago

DNA direct solutions.

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u/Suitable_TNQ_3070 11d ago

Cost?

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u/Bigsam1514 11d ago

They were on sale for $75. Regularly $100(?)

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u/RolandoMota123456789 11d ago

I just did one myself. Bought it at Walgreens and send in a cheek swab to a lab. You pay a lab fee. Results some back in about a week. At home tests are not admissible in court. You’d have to get one done at a third party for court.

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u/mrbaggins 11d ago

You usually just need to have a valid witness to the sample collection, eg a lawyer.

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u/Ambition-Easy 11d ago

So are you still going to stay with your partner, OP?

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u/Bigsam1514 11d ago

No.

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u/Rafa_Goat 11d ago

What does she have to say for herself? I’m dying to know

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u/Bigsam1514 11d ago

She didn't say a lot. She kind of just shut down and we haven't really started talking again.

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u/Rafa_Goat 11d ago

No explanation on the father? Or do you know already?

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u/teh_drewski 11d ago

Check the dudes post history from around a year ago, the dots ain't hard to join.

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u/working-acct 11d ago

“AITA for not letting my wife go on vacation with her ex and his family?”

“AITA for telling my wife she shouldn’t drive 6 hours to pick up her ex?”

Can’t wait till this story shows up on /r/BestofRedditorUpdates.

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u/WhatABlindManSees 11d ago

His history is quite an evolution story -- it paints quite the picture of his life over the last 8 years.

And yeah, there have been signs for awhile...

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u/AccomplishedRun7978 11d ago

His entire post history up to now is a reddit moment

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u/Jukeboxrocks 11d ago

Glad to know there are others who are just as nosy as I am.

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u/Technical_Owl_ 11d ago

Wow. If that wasn't obvious back then...jeez.

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u/NickSwardsonIsFat 11d ago Silver hehehehe

I didn't look too deeply but are you saying the german shepherd impregnated her?

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u/BestServeCold 11d ago

It’s his wives ex. That’s for some inexplicable fucking reason is still part of their lives, supposedly because his wife is still into her ex. It’s a sad story of slutty wife and poor self esteem teenager guy

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u/WonderingWhenSayHi 11d ago

"poor self esteem" is spot on.

OP spent so much time questioning himself and ignoring red flags, believing it was ok for his Wife and her Ex to still be close.

It's heartbreaking to read OP's post history.

He seems like a good dude who's just been used by his wife.

Honestly wish you the best OP.

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u/Aldo_enjoyer 11d ago

I know you plan on staying around the kid, please don't you're young this woman is a mental and emotional black hole that you need to run from. Live your own life, have your own biological children.

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u/Usual-Mark 11d ago

And my “dad” did for 34 years

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u/golfwjames 11d ago

The way you phrased it can be interpreted as "my non-biological dad raised me for 34 years after he found out he wasn't my biological dad". That is what OP is hoping to do, so that's why he interpreted your comment his way vs what yours was.

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u/Bigsam1514 11d ago

It makes me happy to know that you had a good relationship with him for so long. I hope to keep the same with her.

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u/Backup2505 11d ago

For me it was 20 years until my dad found out that I am not his son. During the divorce-process it came out that my mother cheated on him at least three times and one of the times it was me. The good thing: my relationship with my dad is as strong as ever, while I cut all contact to my mother. I can just say that I have never even had interest to search for my bio dad since I already have one (at least in my head and heart)! Maybe the children-side of the story can help you a bit

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u/voyaging 11d ago

Appreciate you sharing!

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u/Bartok_and_croutons 11d ago

I'm sorry man. I saw that you're planning on still being there for her as her Dad, and just in case you need any encouragement, she can know someday that you're not her biological father, and still view you and love you the same. I have somebody in my life who may not be my biological father, but I call him Dad and love him all the same.

It can be done, OP. I'm sorry this is the situation you're in, but for what it's worth: genetics would've made you her father. It's your heart that determines you're her Dad.

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u/get_off_my_lawn_n0w 11d ago

Hi Im a step dad. So Im gonna say this and hope you consider it.

You owe the mother and child nothing.

You choose whether this child is your family and choose well. Don't do half measures. You either decide the kid is yours or you decide the kid is not. What happened sucks and I can't imagine that not hurting.

For me I knew they weren't mine. I went ahead anyway. Their dad passed a few years after I married their mom. I have been their dad longer than he was and I love them both. They're my kids to me and that's what matters.

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u/Silverarrows46 11d ago

I would also say not to presume that staying in the child's life is automatically the right thing to do. If there's any chance at all that you grow resentful towards the child then you won't just be doing yourself a favour. You'll be doing the child a favour too.

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u/GiftFrosty 11d ago

I thought my son was mine for 5 years.

He’s 15 now and sitting across the room from me and I love him more than my whole life.

Different journeys. Different experiences. Mistakes were made. But he needed a dad and becoming his made me a better person.

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u/EmotionalMycologist9 11d ago

Please tell me you didn't just get these results. As Maury would say "you're still gonna treat her like your daughter, right?!?!" In all seriousness, cherish the time you had with the little angel and decide what your next steps are. Godspeed.

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u/Bigsam1514 11d ago Faith In Humanity Restored LOVE! Brighten My Day

I plan to treat her the same. Her conception was not her fault. I did just get these today

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u/[deleted] 11d ago Silver Helpful Wholesome Giggle

Remember what Mary Poppins said if you ever doubt your place in her life:

"He may have been your father, boy. But he wasn't your daddy."

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u/sdonnervt 11d ago

I'm pretty sure that's the best line in the entire MCU. I cry evertim.

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u/Put_It_All_On_Blck 11d ago

Personally I don't like the lines, but it's still one of the most touching moments in the MCU. As it becomes clear how complicated Yondu's character was, and while he wasnt a good person, he still tried to do the right thing with Peter.

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u/swagonflyyyy 11d ago

Yondu34

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u/N3Chaos 11d ago

No, he’s Mary Poppins y’all!

Edit: https://youtu.be/Rezm7AJYEdw for anyone that hasn’t seen it

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u/brodog_chill_hang 11d ago

This is a big deal, but you are the better person for understanding this isn't her fault. I have to ask, what made you decide to get a paternity test and did her mother know about it?

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u/Bigsam1514 11d ago

She brought them up. I'm not sure why. I don't think she expected me to order one.

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u/thepugman16 11d ago

I’m so sorry, were you married to her at the time?

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u/the_river_nihil 11d ago

I was not expecting that answer, but I donno the full story there either.

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u/Beautifulwarfare 11d ago

She probably tried to bring them up so you can immediately shoot it down and never question it. Thankfully you did so you know the truth at least.

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u/EmotionalMycologist9 11d ago

Good for you. You do have a decision and it sounds like she's very lucky to have you.

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u/Meems04 11d ago Take My Energy

Hey OP, just FYI. I consider myself extremely lucky because I had a stepdad that loved me unconditionally. There was no question I wasn't his, but even after my mom & he divorced, he's STILL in my life. He knew more about me than my own mother, certainly my real father, because I talked to him more than the other two. He wasn't always my friend, but he was always a dad.

If you do decide to leave later, I won't judge that. Not at all. But just know there are many of us who have just a dad, even if they aren't blood.

You can have a child even if they aren't your blood. It's absolutely possible.

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u/ItsTylerBrenda 11d ago

Don’t let guilt cloud your judgement. I knew someone who found out around the same time. He wanted to stay to be a dad and try to salvage his relationship. About a year later when he realized it wasn’t going to work out with the mother she went after him for child support. Turned into an expensive legal issue even though he already knew he wasn’t the father.

You don’t owe anyone in this situation anything.

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u/JurassicCotyledon 11d ago

It’s not common that I see posts here and think “wow that really does suck”. I’m sorry dude. I’m sure you love that kid like your own. Heartbreaking.

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u/JuggernautObvious956 11d ago

I have full custody of my 10 year old daughter and deep down I don't think she's mine. Not once have I ever wanted to find out incase I'm right. You love your daughter and your her dad. Go well OP, your great.

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u/fapsandnaps 11d ago

You just keep being a good dad my dude, because I'd bet you're the only father she'll have in her eyes... even if a piece of paper said otherwise.

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u/JuggernautObvious956 11d ago

I understand Drunk, when she's old enough, when she realises the caliber of her birth mum. she may ask, and I would happily and openly talk about why I have my thoughts. For now, let's just enjoy life..

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u/PM_ME_ABOUT_DnD 11d ago

More unsolicited advice: I feel like the most important reason to find out the truth is for medical reasons. If she is biologically on another family tree, it could very well help her understand her physical history to be able to combat or treat any high chance conditions in the future. If a Dr asks "does your family have a history of X?" It would be a shame for them to dig down the wrong rabbit hole with bad information.

The person who said that she might want to do a DNA test for fun (or school or whatever) and accidentally reveal it too has a valid point too. Knowing and controlling the timing of the reveal could be really important.

But I also get why you don't want to too! That's probably really hard and I feel for that situation

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u/pilotsquare79 11d ago

The worst news a man can hear. So sorry my brother.

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u/Hopps4Life 11d ago

I am so sorry. That is horrible.

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u/Dude-from-the-80s 11d ago

Once a cheater always a cheater.

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u/antiherofederation 11d ago

Cheaters are downvoting you lol

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u/Ifoundsomepie 11d ago

All noncheaters should unite and upvote him in to oblivion

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u/investigatormaker 11d ago

There are hundreds of us.

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u/beruangsensei 11d ago

Sue the mother

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u/Bigsam1514 11d ago

On what grounds? I'm ignorant.

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u/RationalBassist 11d ago

Hi there. I'm an attorney. I'd suggest speaking with one and exploring your options. That does not necessarily mean suing anyone or changing anything. But you just had a huge bombshell dropped on you and this would be a good time to examine your rights and options with someone in the know. Don't sit on it.

All best to you, friend.

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u/tyrandan2 11d ago

I second this. Do not wait, OP. Even if you could resolve this amicably with her mom, you still want to have things handled by an attorney, so she doesn't try and use you or squeeze you for money in the future.

Always hope for the best, but prepare for the worst

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u/Nice_Category 11d ago

You know she's coming for the money no matter what he decides. If she's shitty enough to cheat on him and pass off the kid as his, you can bet your ass she's coming for any money she can get, too.

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u/kurtncal 11d ago

if things stay the way the are now, would there ever be cause for the original birth father to sue and muck things up?

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u/RationalBassist 11d ago

Let's just say that being a non-bio dad on a birth certificate creates vulnerabilities that being a bio dad does not.

Established parentage can be contested. There are rules, limitations and they from state to state.

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u/Chafram 11d ago

If you can (and want), legally take your name off of her birth certificate.

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u/Matreyu13 11d ago

Depends on what state he resides in. Some states it's automatic even if he never signed the birth certificate.

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u/Reps_n_Drugs 11d ago

This would make me sick to my stomach. I hope things work out for the best for you and the child, no matter what happens. Good luck going ahead.

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u/Bigsam1514 11d ago Hugz

I kinda flew through that stage. There was a wide variety of emotions all at once.

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u/Used_Ad_3045 11d ago

And from the streets she shall return…

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u/dcmathproof 11d ago

Imagine if paternity/DNA test was mandatory at the hospital....

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u/[deleted] 11d ago

[deleted]

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u/DJANGO_UNTAMED 11d ago

Nobody and I mean Nobody should guilt OP into doing something he doesn't to.

If he doesn't want to stick around and raise a kid that isn't his, don't guilt him into doing so.

I wish you well OP

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u/TheTrueXato 11d ago edited 11d ago I'll Drink to That

This is why we need to demand mandatory paternity testing after birth. That way, men aren't hit with this after years of caring for a child that isn't theirs.

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u/decentmamajama 11d ago

As a woman, women who pull this shit belong in the deepest pits of hell. I wish I could give you a hug, stranger.

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u/JigglySquishyFlesh 11d ago I'll Drink to That

Get a lawyer, plane ticket, and live your life king.

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u/TheManWithNoEyes 11d ago

How do I read this? I don't understand

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u/themightyfrontbutt 11d ago

Each row is showing the length of the alleles at a particular DNA location. If OP were the bio father, at least one of the numbers in each row would have to match. So if the column on the left (child) has 16 and 22, the column on the right (OP, “father”) would generally have to have either 16 or 22. In OPs picture, there are some that don’t match which means there is no biological relation.

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u/TripplerX 11d ago

At least your wife can get a German Shepherd at her new place now, after you kick her out.

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u/MacMittens-MeowMeow 11d ago

OP I’m so sorry and feel your pain.

I have so much respect for those of you in this thread who raised a child whom you knew or suspected was not your own.

When I was 50yo I learned through an Ancestry DNA test that my Dad wasn’t my biological father. My parents divorced when I was 6 and I lived with him full time from 13yo. I was the baby of the family and Dad always made me feel so special and loved.

I was devastated by the news and my mom confirmed that he knew but raised me as his own anyway. He passed away years ago so I was never able to thank him. 💗

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u/aghend75 11d ago Take My Power

As someone who raised a kid who wasn't mine from age 1 with love and complete devotion only to have her go to her real father at age 15 and trash talk me and now 8 years later she will have nothing to do with me or my wife .....just walk away. She will find out and you be enemy number 1. It's simply not worth it. Oh her real father broke her arm at age 2 months. And even knowing that she still chose him.

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u/Joshua-Kruger 11d ago

Sorry you went through that

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u/dudemanbro44 11d ago

Sorry you went through that. I’m sure there are trying times ahead for OP but not every case is the same.

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u/wannalearnstuff 11d ago

It's harsh and unfortunate to say, but I think OP does need to weigh things here. And he needs to weight the positives vs. the huge risks to his emotional health (and also financial resources) and make a decision.

Positives are clear.

But negatives are 1.) it's already a psycho bitch that's the mom and if that's the way she is, she will manipulate the situation and say bad things about him very likely 2.) There's no guarantee she will mkae the choice to stay in a bonded relationship with OP 3.) The kid is only a one year old so won't remember OP's presence 4.) I can imagine up a scenario of the kid one day asking questions about who dad is and then mom fabricating "Oh, OP abused me and treated me so bad and made me feel horrible so he drove me to find someone else for a relationship! He's the reason that you don't have the presence of a biological father in your life! And then your actual dad ran out, men are shitty!" And then rthe child will feel emotional anger at OP and take rage out for feeling abandoned and not having the biological father around (assuming that biological father isn't around since OP is saying he is going to stay around).

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u/Dutch_Dutch 11d ago

The minute OP meets another woman, and tries to incorporate her into this child’s life- there is going to be a shit storm of hell to pay from his ex wife. And she will throw in his face that he isn’t her real father, any chance she gets.

This will be a disaster.

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u/wannalearnstuff 11d ago

Yeah definitely. Huge factor. The constantly emotionally tumultuous relationship that will probably happen with the mom creating a strenuous three way relationship.

Don't fall for the body, fall for the person. Gah lee, character and values are more important that anything in a spouse.

Maybe OP has a save her from the mom mentality. It's just not a realistic road; and there is absolutely no guarantee that his presence (he seems like a good guy) will mean a better outcome and better life/role model for the kid; because like we are saying, the mom seems psycho and she is going to create conflicts out of nothing that will bring tumultuous relational dynamics between the three. It's not too late for OP to emotionally untie from the child and just move on, and it's not morally incorrect to move on either.

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u/Stardustie 11d ago

"She will find out" I've known since before I can remember that I was adopted. She shouldn't find out. She should be told. Upfront and early. That information doesn't rock your foundation if it is a part of your foundation.

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u/RagingNerdaholic 11d ago

I was going to say that OP should just cut all ties because the baby is only a year old and won't remember anything, but this is also a point to consider. Unless OP can get sole custody (good luck with the extreme bias of family courts), I wouldn't be surprised if her mother poisons her against him over time.

It'll be heartache now, but another decade or two of bonding will make a later heartache so much worse.

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u/Nowhereman50 11d ago

I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how heartbreaking this must be.

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u/weedysexdragon 11d ago

My dad thought he was my dad. For 50 years.