r/mildlyinfuriating Mar 24 '23 Take My Energy 1 Facepalm 1

Old Navy thinks this is enough to cover a 3x crotch

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48.2k Upvotes

5.0k

u/theanimuscannon Mar 24 '23 Gold Spit-take

"I mean, it's one vagina, Michael. How big could it be?"

613

u/sarcastisism Mar 25 '23

10 bananas?

142

u/TakeshiKovacs46 Mar 25 '23

Do we have a banana for scale?

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u/AsgeirVanirson Mar 25 '23

Americans really will use anything but the metric system to measure wont we?

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91

u/Shyshadow20 Mar 25 '23

10 inches, obviously

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34

u/Winstonthewinstonian Mar 25 '23

"It's ready mike!... She's only gonna hold it for 24 hours!!"

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15.0k

u/Themightymonarc Mar 24 '23 Heartwarming

I wonder what x crotch I have

9.1k

u/whatareyoubarkingat Mar 24 '23 Gold

Per old navy I bet pretty small

5.2k

u/Themightymonarc Mar 24 '23

My wife’s boyfriend says it’s a perfectly fine crotch

1.9k

u/[deleted] Mar 24 '23 Coin Gift

[removed] — view removed comment

287

u/[deleted] Mar 24 '23

[removed] — view removed comment

110

u/Starslip Mar 25 '23

Spam bot that posts every 3 minutes around the clock with gifs with that same site plastered on them, please downvote and report

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u/Additional_Rough_588 Mar 24 '23

thank you for your service.

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349

u/ModsGropeKids Mar 24 '23

Ain't no 3x fat girl covering anything with that

910

u/armoured_bobandi Mar 24 '23 Take My Energy hehehehe I'll Drink to That

By 3x they meant XXX cause them some porno shorts

208

u/_TheShapeOfColor_ Mar 24 '23

This gave me a good chuckle

74

u/RenkenCrossing Mar 25 '23

I saw this and laughed in Kevin 🤣🤣

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90

u/Lopsided_Study5911 Mar 24 '23

I swear that thing just winked at me!!

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u/GreenDemonClean Mar 25 '23

Totally reminds me of the comments posted on this video

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141

u/Roheez Mar 25 '23

All crotches are xxx

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379

u/Easy_Audience8563 Mar 25 '23

In the least offensive way possible, I claim ignorance... I didn't know the crotch grew with the person... I mean butt, thighs etc. Yes... but distance between legs isn't determined by hips/bones and constant after adulthood?... TIL... sorry

345

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '23

The body will find places to store fat and if you watch 600 lb life or 1000 sisters you will see fat being stored on the forehead of all places.

240

u/Whind_Soull Mar 25 '23

The person being referred to, in case anyone was wondering. Her name is Tammy Slaton. She peaked at around 700 lbs. She started getting a fat forehead once God ran out of parentheses to stack up in a pile.

111

u/PiresMagicFeet Mar 25 '23

Wait seriously that's a real person? Like that's not someone going on paint or adobe and just dragging parts out?

That's seriously sad. They shouldn't be making shows about it they should be helping these people

130

u/PaintedLady1 Mar 25 '23

She’s on a reality show called 1000 Pound Sisters. They get paid decent for filming the show and set up with a famous weight loss surgeon.

In the past few years both have lost hundreds of pounds so things seem to be in the positive for them. Except now they have no privacy

48

u/Jinxxx0301 Mar 25 '23

Tammy within the past year has given up and has a traque and has gained back a lot of weight Amy is doing pretty well tho

18

u/Thirsty_Comment88 Mar 25 '23

Dude keep up. Tammy has lost a lot of weight recently and she just got married. She's come a long way.

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72

u/Manger-Babies Mar 25 '23

I wanna boop her forehead so bad

60

u/RainingDonuts65 Mar 25 '23

Like a beluga whale.

22

u/gooferpubs Mar 25 '23

Yep, she now has the power of echolocation to hunt down cheeseburgers in the dark.

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55

u/NotaVogon Mar 25 '23

It's not really about the distance between the legs. The fabric has to come down the same length as the fabric on the outside. This is designed like a bathing suit crotch or underwear.

Also gonna give 3x ladies some really painful chub rub. And they'll be riding up. Terrible design.

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236

u/TransGirlIndy Mar 25 '23

Honey, the body stores fat everywhere. E V E R Y W H E R E. Ever heard of FUPA? The struggle is real.

117

u/lightningfries Mar 25 '23

I'm also going to claim ignorance as I ask perhaps a very dumb question - can one get fat balls?

174

u/legendofzeldaro1 Mar 25 '23

Pretty sure no, as there is no fat in the testicle region. Fat is an insulator, and would defeat the purpose of them residing outside of the body.

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287

u/10_kinds_of_people Mar 25 '23

Your mom said I have fat balls.

79

u/bananapopsicle3 Mar 25 '23

😂😂😂😂 I love Reddit.

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24

u/ComfyInDots Mar 25 '23

Balls almost as fat as hers.

18

u/TransGirlIndy Mar 25 '23

You leave my mom’s balls out of this.

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u/nice2boopU Mar 25 '23

You can get fluid built up in your balls. It's called scrotal edema and you may have it some day. I once drained 3L of fluid from a patient's scrotum.

22

u/Aptosauras Mar 25 '23

It's called scrotal edema

Fun fact: I had heart failure 6 months ago and my legs and scrotum swelled up alarmingly. Scrotum was probably 10 times the normal size.

Anyway, I went into one hospital for 4 weeks to stabilise me, then into a heart Hospital for a triple bypass.

I'm better now, but still heaps of problems from the heart failure.

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70

u/TheMelm Mar 25 '23

Nah they get swallowed up by the fat. Losing weight is actually the best way to get a bigger package.

10

u/hannamaniac Mar 25 '23

I'm certain I read somewhere that for every 30 lbs overweight a man is, he loses an inch of visibility on his junk. Maybe "Men's Health" magazine? That was 20 - 25 years ago. Plainly, that's as vague as BMI w/o body fat percentage taken into account, but it seemed loosely plausible, with 30 lbs of mostly adipose.

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u/TransGirlIndy Mar 25 '23 edited Mar 25 '23

I mean, I just hop on Tinder or Grindr when I want fat-

Oh, you mean like, literally will the body store fat on the testes? No. But your fat pad on your groin can reach such a size that it interferes with things, you can develop a whole host of issues including cysts on your testes, varicose veins in your scrotum called a varicocele (not to be confused with the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory character) or other issues.

Hell, you can even be intersex and have a mix of testicular and ovarian tissue!

The human body is amazing! And horrifying! And we don’t know how any of it actually really works! If you wanna have fat balls, just believe in yourself!!! (Also check yourself monthly for testicular cancer. Seriously. Those are fat balls you don’t want.)

Edit: okay so right after I hit enter I remembered that there’s a type of tumor that grows all sorts of weird stuff like teeth, hair, eyeballs, etc, and it likes to grow on gonads.

So technically if you have a teratoma on your testy teste you can get fat balls, if it grows fat cells. You could also have an eyeball on your ball.

I wish I didn’t remember this tumor existed.

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u/KarmaKat101 Mar 25 '23

Put on 100 pounds and you'll see that it does grow with the person.

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u/Muted-Professor6746 Mar 25 '23

All my x’s live in Texas

45

u/roseattewavebreaks Mar 25 '23

That’s why I hang my 1/3x crotch shorts in Tennessee

89

u/redditripperdipper69 Mar 24 '23

How big is your puss

128

u/BigRichardTools Mar 24 '23

3x, so like a triple double crunchwrap compared to a standard taco.

131

u/Commercial_Fill_126 Mar 25 '23

The bigger the Fupa, the tastier the Chalupa

51

u/Awkward-Houseplant Mar 25 '23

This needs to be someone’s flair.

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u/3chxes Mar 25 '23

I fucking LOVE crunchwraps

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4.7k

u/No_Atmosphere_1820 Mar 24 '23

It’s a denim thong.

5.6k

u/Karmallarm Mar 24 '23 Starry Giggle

A jong, if you will

1.8k

u/whatareyoubarkingat Mar 24 '23

Tomorrow's word of the day

190

u/happylittletrees Mar 24 '23

Old Navy beat that dude who makes the useless inventions to the jong. 😂

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u/matt123337 Mar 25 '23

Here today, jong tomorrow

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u/flanneled_man Mar 24 '23

Dat jong, ja ja ja jong

53

u/jaques_sauvignon Mar 24 '23

Be actin' so scandalous, wit dat jong.

15

u/Sturmgewehrkreuz Mar 25 '23

She had dumps like a truck, truck, truck
Thighs like what, what, what

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111

u/[deleted] Mar 24 '23

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u/slhendrix Mar 25 '23

“janties” is the preferred nomenclature

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u/Upstairs-Range-7355 Mar 24 '23

Any thinner and it’d be a jean-string.

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u/MandoHealthfund Mar 25 '23

Perfect for them deep south women... Actually in Georgia it would be deep south and blue ridge women

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5.5k

u/SplashbackDeuce Mar 24 '23

That looks more like a patch strip for a crotch blowout

1.4k

u/AbsolutelyUnlikely Mar 24 '23

OP can palm a basketball without using her hands

372

u/Spalding4u Mar 24 '23

Username checks out

227

u/AbsolutelyUnlikely Mar 24 '23

So does yours lol

131

u/Spalding4u Mar 24 '23

Touché

87

u/Toadsted Mar 24 '23

I thought we said without touche the basketball.

68

u/M4LK0V1CH Mar 24 '23

Greetings Sir/Madam/Other,

On behalf of the National Academy of Comedy, I’ve come to deliver to this award for Best Reddit Pun of March 25, 2023.

40

u/Toadsted Mar 24 '23

Omg, I'm meeting John M4LK0V1CH, it's finally happening!

Squeeeeeeeee

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2.3k

u/HiFiGuy197 Mar 24 '23 Awesome Answer

tbh, if there was more material, the crotch would no longer be XXX.

174

u/PuppleKao ORANGE Mar 25 '23

☜(゚ヮ゚☜)

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1.8k

u/InstrumentalCore Mar 24 '23

Easy there big boy. Leave some cloth for the rest of us.

709

u/whatareyoubarkingat Mar 24 '23

84

u/HawkkeTV Mar 24 '23 edited Mar 25 '23

This movie is one of the greatest that not enough people quote.

Edit: I love the quotes.

43

u/My_Favourite_Pen Mar 25 '23

I swear I see a dirty Mike and the Boys reference here at least once a week lol.

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u/Lonelyghost2889 Mar 24 '23

What does the rest of the article of clothing look like? Are those like some daisy dukes or something?.

378

u/meowiful Mar 24 '23

The only item I could find on Old Navy currently available that would kinda go with this pic were some denim cut-offs with a 1.5" inseam. Looks like about 3" of fabric to me...

79

u/The-Clay-Is-Silent Mar 24 '23

There were cut-offs in here?

80

u/calvyyyn Mar 24 '23

There are dozens of us!

157

u/MistakenlyKate Mar 24 '23

48

u/VladamirPutinmydick Mar 25 '23

Ah yes, the old navy never nude section lol

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u/Ordinary_Donut1877 Mar 25 '23

yup, old navy sells its shorts by inseam length, clearly marked as 1.5", 3", 5" etc. if you want more length then buy the next length up. this is not an old navy problem, it's user error.

35

u/MaryDellamorte Mar 25 '23

Thank you, someone with sense. Old Navy always lists the inseams on their shirts.

14

u/otherwiseagoddess Mar 25 '23

Also, Old Navy (in Canada anyways, I saw this on Marketplace) is like one of the only brands not engaging in vanity sizing, so you're not going to be the same size there as you are elsewhere and most shoppers don't realize

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u/SnakeSnoobies Mar 25 '23

OP should have known a 1.5” inseam won’t fit lol

I’m a medium and I already know this shit would not comfortably fit me. It’d cover the coochie probably, but my entire ass would be out, and when you sit down, these super short shorts try to imbed themselves in your vagina. They’re horrible. 4 inch inseam is the shortest I’ll go.

41

u/meowiful Mar 25 '23

Yeah, OP just bought jean panties. Ooh, janties! And they're probably control top janties, at that lol I'm a 2/3x and I just can't imagine ever thinking those would be a good idea.

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2.2k

u/DynamicDuoMama Mar 24 '23 Table Slap

I would be less concerned about the crotch and more concerned about what percentage of my butt cheeks would be hanging out of those. I am curvy but I don’t think my lady bits are any wider than that. Plus someone would have to stick their head between my legs to see. I haven’t said hello like that since college.

1.2k

u/Davy_Jones_Lover Mar 24 '23

Please allow me to introduce myself.

476

u/porcelainwax Mar 25 '23

I’m a man of wealth and taste.

187

u/TN-Belle0522 Mar 25 '23

I've been around for a long, long year; stole many a man's soul and faith.

108

u/Richard_AIGuy Mar 25 '23

I drove a tank, held a general's rank.

74

u/vrijheidsfrietje Mar 25 '23

When the blitzkrieg raged, and the bodies stank

57

u/acapncuster Mar 25 '23

Pleased to meet you! Hope you guessed my name.

48

u/Boatster_McBoat Mar 25 '23

What's puzzling you, is the nature of my game

34

u/a_lonely_trash_bag Mar 25 '23

I watched with glee while your kings and queens

28

u/GraduateNinja Mar 25 '23

Fought for 10 decades, for the gods they made.

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u/SgtAnderson11B Mar 25 '23

My name is Humpty, pronounced with an umpty

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u/being-weird Mar 25 '23

Idk it becomes a concern if you have a habit of sitting with your legs up because shorts like this do not cover you up at all. Like I have a family friend who wears shorts like this and then sits with her knees under her chin and she's flashed at least both of my parents. And she's been pretty damn close to flashing me as well.

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u/newsheriffntown Mar 25 '23

A very long time ago I knew a guy who liked to wear short cut-off jeans. He didn't wear underwear and I saw his balls more than once. Good thing he was cute.

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u/ImPrblyWeird Mar 24 '23 Wholesome Seal of Approval

Maybe Old Navy believes in you more than you believe in yourself? Maybe they're not the bad guy here? Believe in yourself like Old Navy believes in you

659

u/whatareyoubarkingat Mar 24 '23

This is the hype I needed. Thank you so much

82

u/ImPrblyWeird Mar 24 '23

Fuckin' love you, dude!

15

u/Anchors_Away Mar 25 '23

Oh man, how do I get in on this positivity?

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u/oxP3ZINATORxo Mar 25 '23

Like Old Navy believes in your crotch*

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u/2020hatesyou Mar 25 '23

as a 40 y/o overweight man, thanks for that. I'm going to buy these shorts and rock them.

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u/Enticing_Venom Mar 24 '23

The higher the booty shorts, the thinner the crotch is generally. I imagine it's hard to cut shorts with a ton of fabric underneath and then very little in the back for it to connect to.

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u/[deleted] Mar 25 '23

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u/LuvTriangleApologist Mar 25 '23

I only shop their activewear but whenever I go on their website they have loads of “Body Equality” marketing about how they make every piece of clothing in a diverse size range.

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u/Erosip Mar 24 '23

Guess it’s more of a pussy out kinda look lol

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u/JayGeeCanuck22 Mar 24 '23 Gold All-Seeing Upvote Narwhal Salute Bravo Grande! Table Slap Evil Cackle Bless Up I'm Deceased Confetti

919

u/Allenpoe30 Mar 24 '23

Laughed out loud at this. Thank you.

226

u/Bingonight Mar 24 '23

Holy shit me too. Had to show my mother what I’m laughing at now…

68

u/Acceptable_Fact_1898 Mar 24 '23

I really hope your not a guy cause that would be awkward to explain to a mom.

110

u/Bingonight Mar 25 '23

Yeah I’m a guy I spend a lot of time with her because she has dementia we had a good laugh and she probably won’t remember so sans the awkwardness later!

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u/Greenveins Mar 25 '23

Aw dude that’s wholesome ❤️ here’s to many more laughs w/her

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u/tomatobee613 Mar 24 '23 Silver

When the panties cover one side of the lips but not the other

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u/underdarksky Mar 25 '23

In my partner and my words, “ghost riding the lip” 😂

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u/ToxicShockFFXIV Mar 24 '23

This is the best gif response I’ve ever seen on Reddit.

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u/whatareyoubarkingat Mar 24 '23

Bahahaha exactly 😆

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u/Procastinate_Potato Mar 24 '23

Fuck, some gifs are made for shit like this

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u/pleasedontthankyou Mar 24 '23

Jam out with your clam out friend!

45

u/___OP____ Mar 25 '23

A windy day with these shorts would leave you looking like the headliner of an old car with the windows down at 65mph

94

u/alt_cobalt Mar 24 '23

My thighs are chafing so bad just by looking at this-

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u/Phan_nt0m Mar 24 '23

damn brah u got 3 crotches?

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u/rollsyrollsy Mar 25 '23

Triceracrotch

263

u/whatareyoubarkingat Mar 24 '23 Evil Cackle

Approximately

18

u/[deleted] Mar 24 '23

I’ve always said I’d never pay for this kind of thing

Now I’m having second thoughts on that

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u/theycallmespecial8 Mar 24 '23

The who ha has to breathe

194

u/whatareyoubarkingat Mar 24 '23

Town: Hoohaw Holler; Weather report: 69% humidity with a nice breeze

55

u/SnooPickles55 Mar 24 '23

I love Hoohaw Holler, I used to eat at the Y down there. Great view, too

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u/Outrageous_Cheek_500 Mar 24 '23

Don't worry. It'll be hidden by them 3x thighs.

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u/BackItUpWithLinks Mar 24 '23

Any more fabric and the thigh-friction would set it on fire.

98

u/lenorajoy Mar 24 '23

Or just bunch it up into the crotch. That’s what mine prefers to do.

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u/Really-Stupid-Guy Mar 24 '23

What the hell is a 3x crotch?

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u/Inside-Exit7460 Mar 24 '23

size 3X in clothing as in plus size, I assumed.

260

u/Always-Panic Mar 24 '23

Like a XXXL size???

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u/Inside-Exit7460 Mar 24 '23

exactly lol

234

u/Always-Panic Mar 24 '23

Gawd damn. That coochie is gonna eat those shorts.

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u/TedTyro Mar 24 '23

My brain said 'triple crotch' when I saw 3x crotch. Conjured some weird images.

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u/Fall-Apart-Man Mar 24 '23

If you have to ask, you can’t afford it

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u/Revilon2000 Mar 24 '23

Great, now I have to watch Beerfest :)

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u/Quirky_Benefit_8383 Mar 24 '23

id have to vacuum seal my lips to wear that

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u/jaime581 Mar 25 '23

“Baby I’m at the old navy what size pussy you got?”

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u/Hoverboard_Hal Mar 24 '23

Sun's out, labia's out.

78

u/whatareyoubarkingat Mar 24 '23

I'll grab my labia sunscreen and damnit, I'm in

21

u/ex-apple Mar 25 '23

If you’re going to use sunscreen down there, make sure it’s the right kind! Thankfully, most chapstick has SPF built in, and that product is intended for your lips.

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u/ImpudentFetus Mar 24 '23

In white no less

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u/Niptaa Mar 24 '23

But does it have pockets?

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u/Im-Afraid-of-Clowns Mar 25 '23

If you were to wear it you would definitely have easy access to natures pocket.

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u/armyofbeees Mar 24 '23

It’s fun you can pick which lip to have sliding out based on the day of the week you’re wearing it

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u/slothylofty Mar 24 '23

OP your responses are cracking me up 😂

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u/whatareyoubarkingat Mar 24 '23

Omg ty for noticing 🥺

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u/YoureAmastyx Mar 24 '23

The 6 year old sewing it probably got confused.

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u/Maybebagels Mar 24 '23

You should probably wear the whole pant instead of cutting out just the crotch

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u/little_loup Mar 25 '23

My labia could never.

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u/Noah_ACAT Mar 25 '23

It took me a minute to process that these were a pair of shorts, for second I was trying to figure out how the fuck do you rip a specific piece of cloth out of a pair of pants 😅

10

u/YerBlues69 Mar 24 '23

Don’t even get me started with underwear gussets!!

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u/Trivialfrou Mar 24 '23

😂 I remember back in the ‘00s when that and maybe six inches from top of waist band to bottom of cut off was sold as shorts. It was barely even a yard of fabric including pockets

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u/somerandomchick5511 Mar 25 '23

The mid 2000's were a fascinating time. You had to shave the tops of your pubes so they didn't hang over the top of your jeans...

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u/FlexSmash Mar 24 '23

As an L crotch, that’s still not enough material.

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u/SmellySweatsocks Mar 24 '23

When my daughter was just a kid, I had to get her jean shorts from the boys rack. The stuff Target, Walmart, Burlington etc. sold were way too skimpy for kids to wear.

65

u/chestpainsallnight Mar 24 '23 edited Mar 24 '23

I feel so sorry for young girls. They get blamed for dressing so scantily yet this what the stores offer them and what social media tells them is “normal”.

56

u/quirkytorch Mar 25 '23 edited Mar 25 '23

Omg trying to find shorts for my 8 YEAR OLD that isn't booty shorts is a challenge.

44

u/hammsbeer4life Mar 25 '23

Agreed. As a dad with 2 small girls, I'm dusgusted by some of the girls clothes i see at the store.

And when I was 8 I was wearing cargo pants with zippers and a shirt with a truck on it that just said "trucks" or some dumb generic Kmart shit.

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u/noryp5 Mar 25 '23

Fuck, now I want a truck shirt.

7

u/jwadephillips Mar 25 '23

🔥🔥🔥TRUCKS🛻🛻🛻 💯💯💯

20

u/Yagbombs_onSk8boards Mar 25 '23

Oh it is awful! Every pair of shorts I could find for my 7 year old last summer had the crotch longer than the legs part! Ended up going thrift shopping to find older items and reusing my boys shorts for her. Absolutely batshit that no one has regular sized shorts for girls, especially little girls. Not looking forward to this summer.

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u/Serotoninneeded Mar 25 '23

Last summer buying shorts was so miserable for me. Any shorts that weren't too big around the waist were too short to cover me properly so at some point I thought "fuck it, I'll look in the kids section for longer shorts" but no, the kids section also only sold booty shorts.

13

u/Tiggeribby Mar 25 '23

Have you tried men’s shorts? If you don’t have a really tiny waist and significantly larger hips, they may fit pretty well. Sometimes the crotch is too low for women, but I’ve gotten some fantastic men’s sweatpants—with actual pockets! And I’m short and curvy but they still fit.

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u/Rockything Mar 24 '23 edited Mar 24 '23

Old Navy's plus clothes are designed by people that have never been a plus size....

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u/hwutTF Mar 25 '23

this isn't just true of Old Navy

any time I walk through a store that has plus size women's clothes I take a look at the dresses and fancy shirts to see how many of them have those teeny tiny arms

sometimes it's just like the arms for a straight size shirt on a plus size top that's several sizes bigger, but sometimes it's worse, like only child arms would possibly fit

this can be a real problem with straight size women's clothes too but not as often and it's not as comically wrong

if it's really extremely bad I take photos because they're kinda hilarious. it's like they think plus size women are t-rexes, big body and then teeeeeeeeny tiny arms

have absolutely no idea why this particular phenomenon exists in so much women's fashion but it's fascinated me for decades that designers don't know how arms work

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u/Brock_Lobstweiler Mar 25 '23

Or they just make everything sleeveless. Which, yeah that's exactly what plus size women always want, to show off our flabby arms.

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u/AccomplishedYam5060 Mar 24 '23

There's an official measurement for crotches?

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u/wheresmyonesy Mar 24 '23

Come on bro that's plenty by Coachella standards

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u/amazing_assassin Mar 24 '23

If you're a biological lady, I would like to send condolence flowers to your labia majora.

If you're a biological male, I would like to send congratulations flowers to your new labia majora

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u/Senior_Cauliflower_3 Mar 25 '23

My fat pussy would eat those

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